Finally, An Adult Conversation

I’ve waited nearly 24 years for the conversation I had with my oldest daughter last night. She was close to 14 months old when we adopted her in the PRC, but I was 55 years old. My father had died two months shy of his 60th birthday and I’d been told all my life, “You’re exactly like your father”. I had good reason to believe I was rapidly approaching my “Use By” date, yet it deter me from becoming a first-time, adoptive father.

Part of the reason is my partner at the time (now my wife) is seven years younger than me and her family has a history of longevity. I nevertheless had some reservations about adopting, just not enough to stop the process. To, perhaps, add insult to injury I did it again at 59. Now my daughters are 25 and 22. My 25-year-old has been incredibly reluctant to spend any time with me or my wife at all for at least the last close to ten years. It’s been seriously frustrating.

At any rate, last night I was able to spend well over an hour with my oldest, talking about life, the universe, and everything (oblique Douglas Adams reference). From day one, a primary goal of mine was to ensure my girls had a good understanding of who I am and why I lived the somewhat unconventional life I lived, which included why I adopted so late in life. I didn’t have a reasonable expectation of being able to accomplish that, especially given my oldest’s reticence to converse.

Last night put all my fears to rest. We had a good, adult to adult conversation. She asked me pertinent questions and I was able to fill her in on some of the blanks in her life, such as I know them. They are few and far between, since she was abandoned at two days old. I can now look forward to at least a few more conversations before I shed this mortal coil, and leave her more than just my life insurance and the equity in our house. I am content.

One lucky guy here. PS – I’m well aware of the irony our family represents, i.e. if my girls were equally lucky, they would likely still be with their birth parents. My wife and I are just the next best thing given their circumstances.

PPS – I was best man and they were flower girls at the retaking of vows of close friends … a while back. The other pic is of us going out from Long Beach to scatter the ashes of a cousin who was taken from us far too early.