Miss America Fail – Help!

Two Convict Waiters

Simi Valley’s Police Chief and Some Other Reprobate

I need some help from my creative friends. Ideas . . . no money. I have volunteered to be a “Celebrity Waiter” at the fundraiser I’m linking to here. Here’s the back story for my role. I am a reject from the Miss America Pageant. Why that would happen is beyond my comprehension, but it’s all I have to work with.

I need a costume, one that I can put together for free or very inexpensively, that demonstrates why a person of my obvious high quality would be rejected by those morons on the Judge’s Committee. I haven’t worn a costume for anything in at least thirty years and my creative gene has lost some its sparkle and heft. Please help me out here. It’s for a good cause, too!

About Rick Ladd

I retired nearly 13 years ago, though I've continued to work during most of the time since then. I'm hoping to return to work on the RS-25 rocket engine program (formerly the SSME) which will power our return to the moon. Mostly I'm just cruising, making the most of what time I have remaining. Although my time is nearly up, I still care deeply about the kind of world I'll be leaving to those who follow me and, to that end, I am devoted to seeing the forces of repression and authoritarianism are at least held at bay, if not crushed out of existence. I write about things that interest me and, as an eclectic soul, my interests run the gamut from science to spirituality, governance to economics, art and engineering. I'm hopeful one day my children will read what I've left behind. View all posts by Rick Ladd

6 responses to “Miss America Fail – Help!

  • Andrea Louise Dawson Webster

    Here’s a link to Ann Simonton in her meat dress. Or just google her name and meat dress:


  • Steve

    I don’t fully understand/appreciate the context of this fundraiser but you could either make a social statement regarding one of the following: 1) ageism, 2) an old standby where the failed contestant was, say, 7-8 months pregnant, or 3) mother of a newborn breast-feeding in public??? I’ll be quite interested to see what you wind up choosing — good luck!


  • Lisa Nason

    I hate stating the obvious, but the fact that you being a decidedly ‘male-looking’ contestant for a Miss America pageant would not demonstrate the reason for being ‘rejected’ part? (unless I’m missing something here…)

    As for a budget-friendly costume idea, perhaps, you could try wearing an evening gown or any fancy dress, with some dressy shoes (both purchased from the Salvation Army or Good Will), a wig, and a (home-made) satin-like sash (with the state you’re from written with one of those glittery fabric pens purchased from Big Lots or Joanne’s). It could be an option without breaking the budget… just don’t forget the make-up! There’s no better way to show how the Judge’s Committee were entirely composed of a group of morons than by going for an understated, yet elegant visage with some classy make-up.

    Another (possibly ‘free’) option would be if you had a female friend (who just happened to be your size) and was willing to lend you something to wear…

    Otherwise, that was pretty much all of the (pathetic) creativity I had left in me to share. Good luck! I hope this helps spark some ideas!


    • Rick Ladd

      Thanks, Lisa. Yes, being a man will definitely work in my favor when it comes to demonstrating why I might have been rejected. I’m planning on not shaving for at least three or four days (so no foundation for me 🙂 )

      I do have two fellow servers who happen to be women and I’m hoping they’ll help me with any makeup I may decide to wear. I really don’t want to put it on until I’m at the hotel. I’ve been thinking about getting a mumu somewhere and messing with it a bit.
      I’ve let my hair grow out considerably so I don’t really need a wig.

      Thanks for the ideas. Much appreciated.


  • Andrea Louise Dawson Webster

    Maybe because of your secret plan to infiltrate and protest the pageant from within, as in the protests that got Miss California moved from Santa Cruz. As I recall the was a famous dress made of meat. Maybe you could find bacon patterned fabric or something? Good luck!


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